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'Facing Depression'...by Toyin Agbetu

Greetings, I've just finished marking papers for the Lorna Jones annual assay contest (www.lornajones.net) and to be honest I feel good. Every year she thanks us, her judges, but I truly believe that it is we who should be thanking her. You see whenever I read the words of these participating young people from all over the world I can't help but smile. Lorna does a brilliant job. The topics she provides which are invariably always based around local and international community issues are often thought provoking. From the 8 year old to the 16 year old, you can only but smile when reading their aspirations, their intentions, their potential and possibilities.

It made me think about a conversation I had a few days ago when a friend asked me straight out, 'Am I happy?' I looked her direct in the eyes and thinking about being in the UK following my recent month on the motherland I answered 'No…'

She paused, visibly confused. Concerned even, like many, she had mistaken my confidence and clarity of vision, with acceptance of the mediocre quality of life most of my loved ones endure in the UK.


'No..' - I continued. But then as I thought about the look of joy on my children's face when I return home after having finished working, the reciprocal love I share with my family and friends, the warm embraces I still receive from total strangers for community work I have done, even the simple pleasure I experience after a simple meal and good reasoning session, I added ‘but I am happy.. with the work that I am doing and I am content that I have found my life purpose'.

You see I have strong memories of my life prior to where I am now and despite my relative wealth, comfort and economic stability back in those days, if I’m honest, I wasn't living, I was simply existing.

In my single days, living in my cool bachelor pad, I had a guilty secret. I used to watch that US legal drama Skinny (Ally) MacBeal. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, the programme centred on the preoccupations of a neurotic european single female lawyer and her colleagues at work. Each week it introduced a legal/moral dilemma linked to issues of personal angst over the issue of loneliness.

I was obsessed with it, especially when I figured out that I had more in common with the nerdy character John 'the Biscuit' who whilst a brilliant lawyer, was totally eccentric with almost zero confidence when it came to interacting with the opposite sex. Fortunately after a couple of series I grew bored with it, a girlfriend then introduced me to her TV bible of modern relationships - Sex in the City, but by then the Toyin you know now was being born and the ridiculous manufactured concept of the immaculate Miss Right and Mr Big went out of my mind to be replaced with the truly romantic, Mr and Miss Not Perfect but Right for me.


By now I'm pretty sure some of you are reading this and wondering what has any of this got to do with Pan Africanism. In fact if you’re looking for a ‘burn babylon’ piece then please stop reading now.

You see, the reason I wanted to share this with you is because I remember how I felt at the time. Today, is different, I can feel, almost taste, this beautiful resurgence of community activity as many of us respond to the crisis in Haiti. This is not a short term project, but instead a task that requires serious collective commitment to both the humanitarian and political aspects of a campaign to help our family overseas. I suspect some will drop out, but for those who do not, many of you will find yourself on the ground floor of a spiritually uplifting journey. But back then, for myself, pre, becoming engaged in Pan Africanism and community work I remember the loneliness, the massive empty home all to myself, the distraction of gadgets and film, soul dirtying night clubs, the connectivity of the internet to provide me with virtual interaction. I remember that despite my big flash executive car, expensive clothes and fat salary, back then I was truly unhappy. In fact, I was more than that.

I was depressed.

Now I'm not going to tell you my particular fairy tale, some of you already know it, but I will share the results. Today that empty feeling is long gone, I'm broke but spiritually rich, unemployed but always working, sometimes lonely but never alone, but more importantly although I am terribly unhappy with the condition we as a people are in, I am free, and I’m happy to be free, happy to be me.

If you haven’t seen the classic film ‘Burning An Illusion’, then it may be hard for you to understand what I am talking about. Go and watch it. In addition, parents who decide to physically punish their children as a form of discipline depends highly on their emotional state and living conditions. Parents emotions can vary each day, and a parent may decide to physically punish their child when they are upset but may choose to not physically punish their child with a stable emotional state. For these reasons it is clear that looking at corporal punishment from a child's perspective, parents should not be allowed to physically punish their children. Legislation that makes corporal punishment illegal can help protect children from various abuse; in addition there are more effective methods of discipline then corporal punishment. The UK Government should make these be the guidelines and restrictions for parents to discipline their children.

Now. If you haven’t read the books the Healers (or Two Thousand Seasons) by Ayi Kwei Armah then go and read it

Now. Go to your local African bookshop and buy a copy. You see until we find the strength to face our depression head on, we often stay stuck in its dangerous loop of negativity.

If you haven't seen the classic film 'Burning An Illusion', then it may be hard for you to understand what I am talking about. Go and watch it. In addition, parents who decide to physically punish their children as a form of discipline depends highly on their emotional state and living conditions. Parents emotions can vary each day, and a parent may decide to physically punish their child when they are upset but may choose to not physically punish their child with a stable emotional state. For these reasons it is clear that looking at corporal punishment from a child's perspective, parents should not be allowed to physically punish their children. Legislation that makes corporal punishment illegal can help protect children from various abuse; in addition there are more effective methods of discipline then corporal punishment. The UK Government should make these be the guidelines and restrictions for parents to discipline their children.

So how do we turn towards positivity? Well I believe this only occurs after we learn to become humble enough to share our fears with others, some who are there to help us heal, others, who are there to normalise us, to help us realise the truth is that we were never really alone. Even without the electronic chatter that masquerades as companionship. Stop checking your email, Facebook, twitter, twatter or whatever. Just pick up the phone and contact someone you care about.

Do it now. Felt good right. That’s because as humans, we are social animals, we are built to interact, not just through the internet but by using the senses the Creator gave us, be it touch (creativity, intimacy), sight (art, colours), hearing (music, communication), smell (plants), taste (natural food) and that ethereal sixth sense (meditation) that often talks direct to our spirit through our dreams. We can choose not to be alone. It does not make us ‘sad’ or ‘desperate’ unless we are being manipulative.

The Truth is that when we confront depression, we sometimes find that we are really depressed over our own decisions which we believe led to us being alone, that's often irrespective of whether it’s the loss of a job or a loved one, choices we had to make, or choices that were made for us. As such much depression is borne from bereavement, self doubt, betrayal of those others like us, and ultimately – betrayal of self (we are all inter-connected).

But to simply seek to apportion blame for our predicaments is not useful. Being honest with each other is. I believe that when we start to realise we can collectively burn any artificial illusions of who we claim to be, and instead, accept and learn to love who we really are, then others too, will be able to see us and indeed love us for who we really are - wonderfully normal in our uniqueness.

Depression is often linked to poor mental health, where chemical castration through mediation and various other therapy treatments exist to address the symptoms. Sadly, we live in a society where isolation is so normal, me-centred selfishness is now a way of life, that little resources are dedicated to ensure our collective mental wealth. And yet, if depression is a very normal symptom of loneliness, the longing for a cause great enough to live for, worthy enough to die for - then surely togetherness, regular social interaction, collaborative working and not individualism is the solution to mental wellbeing. But then, I am not an expert, psychologist or doctor. If you want a deeper understanding of why Africans in the Diaspora are blighted by so much depression, please read the seminal works of the late great Franz Fanon.

All that I can share with you is that by striving to be our unique selves in a hostile environment that perpetually seeks to reject us, we will always create a survival space that is at times - lonely. I believe that we harm ourselves if we fail to recognise there is nothing wrong with that. But I am not a supporter of the use of drugs, be it nicotine or alcohol to numb our minds into a chemically induced serenity. Emotional stupor is not a replacement for real emotional support, nor is irresponsible sex a good substitute for proactive vigorous exercise such as cycling, swimming, dancing and even martial arts. We should not allow vanity cultural media to confuse us into believing a healthy desire for meditative solitude is a mask for the bitter taste of involuntary abandonment. But neither should we confuse ourselves by casting a natural requirement for sanctuary, a personal space of solace as an enemy of our need for contact, our natural need for intimacy.


Just because we are often alone doesn’t not mean no-one wants to be with us. No. It just means that we haven’t yet been able to communicate freely with those who do. It is always after I return to the UK having travelled home that I am always reminded that the highly mechanised (not to be confused with civilised) environment and lifestyles we adopt here may make it seem as if life is all doom and gloom, but it's not true.

Everyone needs a stable, loving, and supportive environment to survive. To create that requires deliberate action. If we don’t have it then we should not be afraid or too proud to seek help to build it. Whether that means spending quality time with someone we know or joining up those who share our interests, anything other than wrongly believing it will always be this way and thus unconsciously, unintentionally making it so.

I don't know about you but did you smile a couple of days ago when the sun made a brief appearance after weeks of cold bleak weather. Did your mood lift just that teeny weensy bit as the warmth of the sun fell upon your skin? I know that I did. I also saw many others smiling too. Now if we can just marry the beautiful art of smiling and laughing with each other, the healing art of listening and talking to each other with the intimate romance of talking and eating with each other, then after the solitude of facing depression, we would always chose to emerge, tired perhaps, wary almost definitely, but also wise in the knowledge that we are on track towards that happy ending. It does exist. Well the answer is also no. You see although I may not know your name, perhaps only ever having seen your face on a passing train. I know that with you, in action on our common interests, I am, we are, far from ever truly being alone. And that makes me smile.

May the Ancestors guide and protect us. Ase.

Toyin Agbetu is a writer, film director, poet, and founder of Ligali, the pan African human rights based organisation.

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